My Pinnacle Network

Grow Your Business Through Networking

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Networking confidence: One more thing your mother was right about

ka-broucherGrowing up, how many times did your mother remind you to stand up straight? Begrudgingly, you complied, probably just to keep her from reminding you all the time. But what you didn’t know was Mom was trying to make you a better networker.

Okay, that was probably not exactly what she was thinking. Yet how you present yourself at a networking event does impact how you are perceived and the level of attention people give to your message. In short, those who stand up straight are more likely to be heard than those who don’t.

This was just one of the many nuggets gleaned from a presentation given at the last My Pinnacle Network-Westborough meeting by Alyssa Dver, co-founder of the American Confidence Institute (ACI) and author of Kickass Confidence.  Posture was just one example Alissa used as to how you can learn to be a better networker. After all, we can all remind ourselves to stand up straighter, right?

Alyssa also debunked the myth of the “born networker”. It may seem that some people take to networking more naturally than others, but there is a very good reason as to why. Chances are those individuals grew up with a role model in life who was a good networker. As children are prone to do, they modeled the behaviors of those around them until those behaviors became their own.In other words, those born networkers learned how to network–just at an earlier age.

Perhaps the most telling and touching part of the presentation occurred at the end of the meeting. Members, to a person, shared how much they received out the condensed presentation (our format allows for 20 minutes for speakers; Alyssa typically conducts much longer workshops). Yet Alyssa shared how even the founder of ACI has to work on confidence as she confided this was the first speaking engagement she had had since losing a parent. Based on her presentation, you never would have known.

For more information on ACI, visit www.americanconfidenceinstitute.com. You can purchase Alyssa’s book, Kickass Confidence, on Amazon.

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Don’t forget to talk about you

You have heard us discuss verbal brands in the past. That’s where you describe what you do in five seconds or less and in such a way that it generates a two-way discussion. While that exchange starts on business, do not be afraid to share a little bit about yourself as part of the talk.

You’re probably thinking, “Go off topic? Are you nuts?”

First, those are two very separate questions. Second, the verbal brand starts the getting to know you process. While a lot of that will be about business, it’s also about you. We tend to do business with people we know and, even better we like. People usually like people who they have things in common with. And that common ground could be anything.

For example…

“Your kids play soccer? Mine, too.”

“You’re in a band? I used to play the bass.”

“You live in Scituate? I used to go there as a kid. Do you know…”

It really could be anything. But part of the networking process has got to include a little you to break the ice and lay the foundation of the relationship.

In our My Pinnacle Network meetings, we will occasionally ask members to share a fact about themselves that nobody in the group knows. Over the years, we have heard a number of answers ranging from “I was a professional bowler” to “I keep bees and sell the honey”. Yet one of the more common responses is about playing an instrument and/or being in a band.  And it’s almost magical to watch the faces of people light up as they share their musical pasts.

Does this lead to more leads and referrals being passed among musicians? It’s difficult to document but the uneducated guess here is it improves the likelihood. But you can always ask MPN’s resident musician Jonathan LaMaster, shown here at a recent gig.

The point to all of this is networking is a package deal-what your business does and what you bring to that  business. Don’t lose sight of that.

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Networking tip: Forget what Mom and Dad said

Mom and Dad may have told you otherwise. And in staying safe as a child, they were 100 percent correct. But when it comes to networking, you absolutely want to talk to strangers.

Business owners and B2B professionals attend networking meetings or functions with the intent of networking to find people with whom they can share leads, referrals and perhaps even do business. Yet how many times do you find yourself at a networking meeting talking most of the time to somebody you already know fairly well?

That’s not to downplay reconnecting with business owners you have a relationship with. Those kind of events can help that relationship evolve. Yet the primary goal of attending a networking event or meeting is also expanding your network. You can’t do that by only talking to people you already know.

So, when you’re attending a networking meeting or function, make a point to introduce yourself to visitors or people you have not met. If you are in the middle of a conversation with somebody who is part of your network, encourage them to walk over and introduce yourself to people neither of you know. A lot of times it will be easier to break the ice if two people approach a newcomer to a meeting or function rather than just one person.

As you approach new people at a networking , do so with a time limit in mind. Ask them about their business and who their customers are. Find out about where they’re from. Ask if they know people that you know from that same town.  If there’s somebody there you think they should meet, find that person and invite them over to continue the conversation.

This is not to say that people who are new to a networking group should not be making that first step to mingle and get around. They absolutely should. But even if somebody’s networking skills aren’t up to where they could or should be, it doesn’t mean they might not be a great source of leads/referrals or business. So, make that little effort to break away from the people you know to meet business owners you don’t.  You literally have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

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Who’s the best networker you know?

That’s probably a question you have never been asked or even thought about. We are asking you now, specifically what do they do that makes them a great networker? Do you know? Have you ever asked them? Imitation may be the sincerest form of flattery, but it also provides a lit pathway to success if you are willing to follow.

So, here’s an exercise for you if you want to grow as a networker. Target one or two of the best networkers you know. Invite them to have a one-on-one. Then, instead of asking about their business, ask for one or two tips on how they go about networking.

If that feels a little awkward, drop them a note first to let them know what you’re interest in. Say something like:

“Dear ___,

I consider you to be one of the best networkers I know. Would you be willing to take a minute or two on the phone or maybe grab a cup of coffee to discuss your approach to networking? I’d really appreciate it…”

You would be surprised how responsive people will be to such requests. Why? Because good networkers know that the most critical component to networking is effort. If you’re putting forth the effort to seek their guidance to grow your network, it actually will help grow their network even more. And that’s when networking is a win for everybody.

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What’s the best referral you ever gave?

That’s a question we have asked at several My Pinnacle Network meetings this month. The response from one of the attendees at My Pinnacle – Plymouth caught yours truly off-guard:

“The best referral I ever gave was you,” said John Adams, of Adams Communications. “I introduced you to Steve Dubin.” (Footnote – Steve and I have now worked together for over 10 years to build PR Works, a full-service public relations and advertising company.  Additionally, we launched My Pinnacle Network approximately one year ago and have expanded the network to 11 locations.  Yes, I’d have to say, that was a pretty good introduction.)

Technically, it was more of a cold lead and one other person (Stephanie Gray) had recommended Steve as well. Still, there’s no way either John or Stephanie could have known the career/life-altering impact this referral might bring. They did it because they were following the fundamentals of good networking:

  1. Listen to what the other person does
  2. Think of who you know in your contact sphere who might be a good match.
  3. Provide contact info and follow-up.

Now, if you knew that every introduction/referral you made had the potential for a long-term working relationship and eventually a partnership, you’d go that extra mile every time you made an introduction, right? The point is, you never know where a simple introduction might lead. But if you do it as a practice, as John and Stephanie did/do, good things can happen.

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Listen: It’s not who you know, but what you hear

Think about the referrals you have passed. What was the genesis of that referral? It involved your listening skills more than anything else.

First, you probably heard a friend, colleague or peer talk about his or her business what their needs. If you were truly listening, that registered in your memory on a certain level.

Next, in your travels, be it at your place of business, networking group, coffee shop, etc., you heard somebody express a need for a certain product or service. You interject and say, “I know somebody who might be able to help you…”. And that is how a lead/referral is born.

So, if you’re in a networking group and you’re wondering why you have not received a referral, perhaps you’re not asking the right question. Maybe you should be asking, why have I not passed a referral?

While clearly there are exceptions to this rule, but when it comes to referrals you have to give to receive. And the only way you can give is to know what people want or need. That, you can only do by listening.

There’s probably not one of us who paid attention to every single word every person has said at a networking meeting. We should, but we don’t. Fortunately, it’s an area where you can improve quite easily.

Make it a point to listen at your next networking meeting. Bring a notebook and be sure to write down at least one type of referral for each member as they give their elevator pitch. You would be surprised how much registers in your memory when you put it in writing. From there, all you really have to do is listen.

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The secret killer of networking groups – resentment

Last week’s topic discussing the correlation between gratitude in elevator pitches and success in networking groups struck a real chord with readers. This week’s topic is essentially the opposite of gratitude: resentment. And it can be a death sentence to not only leads, but can cast a cloud over an entire networking group.

If you have been in a networking group for any length of time and done your share of one-on-ones, you might hear grumblings from fellow members about certain members not passing them business. These grumblings can get even louder if your fellow member has passed leads to the member they are complaining about. As somebody who has a vested interest in the overall success of your networking group, it’s your job to get your fellow member off the “whine without the cheese”.

That’s not saying they might not have a beef. Yet complaining about somebody not passing referrals never solved the problem. If anything, it creates an animosity that casts a cloud over your group and makes others uncomfortable—and that diminishes the effectiveness of the group.

So, what do you do? Whether it’s you feeling this way or a fellow group member, suggest taking a good look in the mirror and asking a few questions:

  • Have I done a one-on-one with this person (you’d be surprised how many people expect referrals without having sat down with said person)?
  • Did I present myself in a way that makes me easy to refer? Sometimes preparing a list of people you’re looking to be referred to and a list of how you can help them makes it much easier to pass a referral.
  • If you have passed your fellow networking group member a lead did you take following steps:
    • Contact the lead to let them know somebody from your networking group would be reaching out to them?
    • Did you follow up with your fellow group member to see whether they connected with your referral and whether or not it was the right kind of referral?
    • Follow up with the referral.

If you go through this series of questions and come up with blank, set up another one-on-one with your fellow networking member (you can do as many of those as you need, there is no limit). Be direct, but without being accusatory or hostile. For example, you might say:

“I was hoping we’d be good sources of leads and referrals for each other. Is there anything you can tell me about your business that might help me pass more referrals your way?”

Granted, this is not really addressing the problem. But once they answer that question, most people will reciprocate and ask how they can help you. That should lead to a discussion that will get you an answer. Nine times out of 10, the answer will not be directly about you, but something about them.

What you really want to get out of this exercise is an answer that can cease the resentment. A good rule of thumb in life and networking groups—if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all. Grumbling about what you’re not getting from other group members typically makes you look as bad as the person you’re complaining about. And the last thing you want is that frustration giving other members of your group a reason to hesitate in passing referrals to you, too.

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The networker you know

When searching for a networking group, many people seek out groups where they don’t know any of the members, the logic being why network with people you already know. Knowing at least a few people in a networking group is precisely what you DO want for any number of reasons.

First, a familiar face or two makes your transition into any group smoother, particularly if the people you know have established relationships with others in the group. So, when setting up 1-1’s you’re not “the new guy” but the “friend of John/Jane”. And that can be enough of an icebreaker to develop your own relationships within the group.

That’s one obvious advantage of knowing people before you enter a networking group. Another is getting to know your friend/acquaintance better because you are now in a networking group with them. Maybe there’s a service they have recently added since the last time you talked? Perhaps you didn’t know they went to a certain college or worked at that company before going into business on their own?

When you join a networking group, you want to hit the ground running and get to know people in your group as quickly as possible. Especially the folks in your sphere of influence. By knowing people in an existing group, you have insights that you wouldn’t otherwise have had you not known anyone.