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“It’s not what you know, but who you know.” How many times have you heard that in business and in the course of everyday life? Yet when it comes to networking, it’s who you don’t know that dictates your level of success.

What that means is many business owners attend networking meetings or functions with the intent of networking to find people with whom they can share leads, referrals and perhaps even do business. Yet how many times do you find yourself at a networking meeting talking most of the time to somebody you already know fairly well?

That’s not to downplay reconnecting with business owners you have a relationship with. Those kind of events can help that relationship evolve. Yet the primary goal of attending a networking event or meeting is also expanding your network. You can’t do that by only talking to people you already know.

So, when you’re attending a networking meeting or function, make a point to introduce yourself to visitors or people you have not met. If you are in the middle of a conversation with somebody who is part of your network, encourage them to walk over and introduce yourself to people neither of you know. A lot of times it will be easier to break the ice if two people approach a newcomer to a meeting or function rather than just one person.

As you approach new people at a networking , do so with a time limit in mind. Ask them about their business and who their customers are. Find out about where they’re from. Ask if they know people that you know from that same town. If there’s somebody there you think they should meet, find that person and invite them over to continue the conversation.

This is not to say that people who are new to a networking group should not be making that first step to mingle and get around. They absolutely should. But even if somebody’s networking skills aren’t up to where they could or should be, it doesn’t mean they might not be a great source of leads/referrals or business. So, make that little effort to break away from the people you know to meet business owners you don’t. You literally have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

We’ve all been on that date where the other party does nothing but talk about themselves, blah, blah, blah. On a date, you have to at least pretend to listen. As a good networker, you must always listen.

Why? Well, to be a good networker, you have to be willing to pass a lead or referral in order to get one. That requires you to be an engaged listener and actually register mentally or on paper what the other party wants or needs. If listening is not your strong suit, you can always get better by following a few simple guidelines:

• Turn your body toward the person – Facing and turning towards the people you are networking with conveys respect and interest and is a gesture that invites them in.
• Make eye contact – You want to look people in the eyes when they are speaking and avoid any tendency to look anywhere but at the person you are speaking to. Keeping eye contact makes you a better listener.
• Nod occasionally – This is part of being an engaged listener and lets the other person know that what they say is being heard. It doesn’t mean you agree or understand everything, but it does encourage the other person that you are there.
• Have a calm presence – Avoid fidgeting, rustling papers, twirling pens and so on. Not only does it make a less than favorable impression on the other person but it distracts you from listening for those key points that are critical to passing leads and referrals.
• Be curious and ask questions – If during the course of your one-on-one you hear something that piques your interest or you don’t understand, ask the question. This does a couple of things. It lets the other person know you are listening, but more importantly it makes the meeting more of a conversation. We always remember more from a two-way conversation rather than a one-way lecture.

Sure, there are many other things needed to be an effective networker, but it all starts with listening. Fortunately, it’s an easy skill to practice, especially if you are in a networking group like My Pinnacle Network. You can easily make each elevator pitch an opportunity to practice the above techniques by pretending each speaker is talking directly to you. You’d be amazed how that can translate to effective listening habits in a one-on-one meeting.

As a small business owner, being in a networking group gives you resources you might not ordinarily have. For example, the public relations firm owner who now writes an e-newsletter for the CPA who is a member of the same networking group. While that is certainly a benefit of a networking group, it can also be a detriment if people view their fellow members as potential customers first, lead sources second.

Recently, a residential real estate broker approached My Pinnacle Network about visiting a meeting. As a courtesy and caveat, the realtor was reminded that My Pinnacle Network is a business-to-business networking and it might not be the best fit for what she was looking for. The response was a bit defensive:

“I’ve been a member of business-to-business networking groups with the same professions as the ones in yours and I passed lots of referrals. I hired the web guy for my website and the accountant did my taxes…”

You get the idea. Nowhere in the response was mention of leads or referrals passed, probably because it did not happen. Why? Because people whose customers are consumers travel different traffic lanes than b2b businesses. Consequently, it’s a bit more difficult to pass a lead or referral.

That’s not to say people in b2b networking groups aren’t guilty of the same thing. You can even make the very valid argument that there’s no better way to get to know your fellow members than to hire them for your company. Still, it’s a very distinct and different approach to sit down for a one-on-one with a fellow member and be more concerned with “how can I help you” than “who do you know, here’s how I can help them.”

As business people, we all know the potential downfall putting all your eggs in one basket (AKA having one client or customer make up too large of a percentage of your company’s income). Does the same hold true for networking?
Some organizations stipulate exclusivity as a part of the terms for being in their networking group. And that does make sense on some levels. After all, you do want members to pass leads and referrals to each other. Yet what if the networking group members in your sphere of influence don’t pass you leads or referrals right away? What if after a few referrals, the leads stop?

At My Pinnacle Network, we feel networking should resemble a marketing plan. The more successful plans include a mix of things—PR, advertising, social media, e-mail marketing, etc. All those tools promote your business and typically complement the other—e.g. posting your press release on your Facebook page and tweeting coverage. Your networking efforts are the same.

It’s great to make a networking group your primary leads/referral vehicle. But that should not preclude you from attending other networking events, being a member of a chamber or informal networking with people you knew from previous work and business efforts—even if it conflicts with professions of members of your networking group. The reality is utilizing multiple networking vehicles makes you more valuable to members of your primary networking group?

Why, you might ask? By putting your networking eggs in several baskets, the more likely you are to meet people who you can be leads/referrals for your business and the people in your primary networking group.

If you’re in a networking group, there is no substitute for a one-on-one meeting. In addition to first-hand information about your fellow group member’s business, you invariably learn a bit about them as a person and that can make it easier to connect them to potential leads and referrals. But there is one thing every person in a networking group should be doing in addition to one-on-one meetings and that’s being more social—social media, that is.

If your fellow networker has a Facebook page, like it.

If they have a Twitter page, follow it.

A LinkedIn profile, connect.

Finally, if they have an e-newsletter, sign up for it.

This will not take the place of a one-on-one, but will provide you some background information beforehand and enable you to stay current with what’s going on with them afterwards.

And if your group has its own social media presence—like My Pinnacle Network—do the same as above. Also, get in the habit of posting your social media posts to their social media pages.

A common complaint frustrated networkers voice is about not receiving leads or referrals. That can be a valid complaint, but on your end, you have to make sure you are doing everything in your power to make it easier to refer you. Making your networking group part of your social media efforts can be a great way to stay front-of-mind with your fellow networker.

Ordering flowers for your sweetie for Valentine’s Day seems like a slam dunk, no-brainer and an easy way to get in good graces with your better half. Yet if those flowers have a generic card with little or no sentiment, you can see why the gift may not be as well received. The same can go with networking.

During the course of a one-on-one, if you’re listening closely, you may think of people who can help your fellow networker. Well intentioned, you give your fellow networker a phone number or e-mail address and say, “Call/write Bill and tell him you know me”. Unfortunately, this can be a dead end for a number of leads and the reason why is very similar to the Valentine’s Day flowers: it lacks your full participation.

If there’s someone in your address book who you think would be a good lead for somebody in your networking group, go one step further. Make the introduction yourself. While it may not be practical to do so in person, an e-mail introducing your fellow networker and your contact adds a seal of approval.

“Bill, I’d like to introduce you to somebody from my networking group. He’s in the ___ business. I thought you two might be able to help each other out. I’ve cc’ed him on this e-mail so he can reach out to you directly.”

Does this guarantee a successful referral? Not necessarily. But what it does is take a cold lead and warm it up a bit so that when you do reach out to the lead, they are not blindsided. And the further you are from a cold call, the more effective your networking efforts will be.

Did George Washington really say, “I cannot tell a lie…” when asked whether he cut down the cherry tree? Whether he did or not is probably not important as important as the message itself. And it’s a great motto to take into your one-on-one networking sessions—honesty.

That’s not to say that people lie while networking. But it’s fairly safe to say some networkers are prone to exaggeration when it comes to talking about their company’s capabilities. For example, the website designer claiming to be an SEO expert, when in fact it’s a service they farm out. Not that there is anything wrong with offering a service that you don’t actually do. Just be up-front about that.

When somebody refers business to you it’s more than your reputation on the line. It’s theirs too. Overpromising on what you can deliver puts several relationships at risk.

Lead and referral passing is supposed to be a win for all—the person who gets the business, the person who passes the referral, and the business who benefits from getting services from a trusted source rather than having to do an extensive search on their own. By maintaining an honesty is the best and only policy, you ensure that win for everyone and earn trust for future referrals down the road.

There are books, blogs any number of resources out there to tell you how to be a better networker. None of those networking techniques will mean much unless you follow up in a timely manner with the people you meet.

There’s really no correct way to follow up. E-mail, phone call, snail mail, tweet, text, you name it. What does matter is conducting that follow-up in a timely manner. The typical guideline for follow-up is within two business days.

While timeliness is a key component, so is what you say. “A nice meeting you” note is fine, but will it leave much of an impression? Probably not.

In your follow-up, mention a topic you discussed with the person. If you talked about their business and some particular issue they were having, reference that. You don’t necessarily need to solve the problem but it’s important to get across that you were listening and took somewhat of an interest. The very last thing you want to do is follow up and have the person on the receiving end feel like you only followed up because you want their business.

One easy, unforced way to follow up with people you meet at a networking event is to ask if it’s okay to put them on your mailing list (if you have a company newsletter). This accomplishes a couple of things. First, it’s a fairly easy thing to do (e.g. “it was nice meeting you at the ___, would you mind terribly if I put you on our mailing list so we can keep in touch). Second, it shows consideration of their needs and not wanting to add yet another unwanted e-mail to their inbox. Nine times out of 10, they will respond favorably to that kind of request and your connection is now made.